Earlier today a friend sent a graphic showing the different reasons people seek out a coach. The reasons ranged from career transitions to challenges in a leadership role to increasing self-confidence to managing personal relationships to following and pursuing one's passion. But to me, there's one underlying question that emerges from almost every engagement: Who am I? The other reasons are simply manifestations of not intimately knowing ourselves.
When we're not quite sure who we are, it's hard to lead. We can emulate others, but then we're not fully authentic. We may not be lying or intentionally misleading people, but it's likely that people get confused about our expectations or values or vision.
When we're not quite sure who we are, it's hard to be in relationship with other people. Whether at home or at work, not knowing what truly fulfills us and gives us meaning results in discontent. Without any seeming reason for our unhappiness, we blame the other and can even seek ways to end the relationship.
When we're not quite sure who we are, it's hard to use our special gifts to contribute to the world. Without being able to hear our calling, how can we pursue it? How can we know we are leading the most full and purposeful life we can live?
When we feel this emptiness, especially when we're in our 40s and 50s, we can feel as though we are in a Midlife Crisis. I think the reason we feel this way is that we’ve climbed most of the layers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Once we have safety and security, we look for love and belonging, then results and mastery. The thing we are to find next is self-actualization. But how can we self-actualize when we don’t know the Self?
If you find yourself feeling like you’ve got it all but you feel a bit empty, consider this…that’s normal. Self-actualizing is hard, which is why not many people do it. But if you want to embark on that journey, the first step is to find the Self. Easy, right? Well, not really. Finding the Self takes lots of being present, lots of listening and lots of experimentation. But it can be done, especially with the right coach.
Last week someone who watched my We Live Big Wednesdays Challenge asked if I took on one-on-one coaching clients. It made me realize that I don't often publicize my coaching practice. Over the years, I've accompanied dozens of people on their journey to find their Self. I've created a four-step process with frameworks and tools to guide exploration and build clarity. If you're feeling like you're longing to answer the question, "Who am I?" shoot me a note. I would be honored to walk beside you as you find the answers.